Hope you don't get tired of reading

I'm starting to fear that if I write too much, people will get tired of reading, if they're reading at all.

Checked my bank balance today. It's less than I thought. I was perturbed, very perturbed, at the sight, but I didn't cry till my aunt told me she was thinking about leaving, that my cousin wanted her to move to Louisville to be with her.

I picked up an application at a convenience store, which offers, "competitive pay" benefits and advancement opportunities. We (my aunt and I) went to eat at the restaurant where I work (there are great people that work there), and I was filling out the application. It is so very, something or another, (would demeaning, be the word?), to say you have a Bachelors degree in psychology and an educational license, when you are filling out an application for a convenience store.

And then she said my cousin was wanting her to leave, and I lost it. My eyes started welling up with tears and I took a napkin and placed it over my eyes and sat there with tears till we left. The nice people I work with asked me if I was ok. The manager's daughter, who works there, said she hoped everything worked out, and I'm starting to cry again, because the people there are so nice.

How do you get a job in education, again, (if I choose to keep beating this seemingly dead thing with a stick), after working two little jobs that have nothing to do with education? I have had no luck with getting another education position after working in education the last three years.

I guess it's a good thing I didn't have to put down on that application I had a Masters Degree. (I'm two classes away from a Masters).

I want recognition.

Yet, I know I did some things wrong. I did.

If you have job, that you are suited for, a spouse, kids, love, family, you are lucky. Very lucky.

My aunt has told me I should stop feeling sorry for myself, and I can't help feeling. I can't help it. My feelings come like breathing, right now.

Hamlet's soliloquy came to mind. I wish it were that easy, but it's not. You have to keep trudging on, even though you don't know where you're trudging. Don't think I'm thinking anything when you read the soliloquy. I have to be on Oprah. I have to get this book, project, completed. But, Shakespeare mentioned some interesting things, thoughout, especially at the end, the things that we live through.

"To be, or not to be, that is the question.
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
No more; and by a sleep to say we end
The heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks
That flesh is heir to, 'tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wish'd. To die, to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause: there's the respect
That makes calamity of so long life;
For who would bear the whips and scorns of time,
The oppressor's wrong, the proud man's contumely,
The pangs of despised love, the law's delay,
The insolence of office and the spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his quietus make
With a bare bodkin?"

I do not know what my life has come to at this point.

I do not want my aunt to leave. She says I wouldn't miss her, but I would.

My poetry is in the next post.