valuable conversation

I had a conversation with someone who knew my mom--another teacher. She's been "there" for me along with another teacher--both whom I had in high school. She and this other teacher are friends.

She told me today that I'm allowed to be happy--even though I am in the state I'm in--I'm allowed to be happy.

She told me she knew I didn't intend on any of this happening--that I didn't gamble, I didn't do drugs, I didn't drink alcohol, I didn't do anything to intentionally get me where I am. "Don't go off and buy houses and boats," my mother always said. I did none of those things. I thought that I was doing the right thing. I did my best. She said, "The best is all we can ever do."

She told me to not feel I had done my mother a dis-service.

She said my mother loved me and she did everything she did because she loved me and to not feel guilty about my mother saving money for me.

I want, by the time I'm 35, to have some light at in this long, dark tunnel. I turn 35 in November.

She gave me hug.

Her daughter was diagnosed with cancer the year her daughter began college at Ohio State. She talked about her daughter went to her room and cried after hearing the news and then her friends came over and they laughed and talked and that was the only time her daughter cried.
Her daughter is Ok now. Lori is a very feeling sort of person and she said she wasn't making up what she said about what I've done in my life.

She said that things are better for me than they were in May--and they are--she is very inspirational.

Cindy