Email to Ellen

HI! I might as well make this "fan mail." I sort of need a pen pal of sorts. I don't know that anyone is reading my blog http://hopefullygoing-2-b-on-oprah-someday.blogspot.com/
I have about 65 minutes before I have to be at the restaurant, where I'm working, and I am completely bad at working in a restaurant. I'm good at being nice and polite and I'm very good about refills, but when it comes to taking care of about 4 tables at once and inputting the orders,

I am not good. I am not good, whatsoever.

I guess you all are on a break right now.

I have an interview (which I talk about on my latest post) with a Temp Agency on Monday, but it's not education, and if you've read what I've written before or read the blog, I have given my life to education and it's all I feel comfortable doing, but I can't. I can't get hired and have interviewed in just about every district in my area.

I also have a beautiful dog--three beautiful dogs but one of them is more exquisite than the others. I love them all, though.

I worry about my financial state and financial future. I worry about the roof over my head.
And I worry about my story or stories never being told. I thought all day about how to break beyond this threshold and get "out" of this unknown place, of being unknown. I sit here and sit here and sit here and do not know how to get where I need to be, this story or stories out in the open. I am 34 and people are not getting any younger. I want Tom Hanks to play the mean Assist. Principal who made life rough for my mother, a teacher was fired unjustly in the middle of her 25th year of teaching. How do I get this done? How? How? How do I get beyond just being "Cindy Taylor?"

I looked out the window today at the place I was "temping" and watched a flag blow in the breeze, buildings from a distance, the sky, and could barely sit there, stay, thinking about what needs to be done. Wondering, the same question I keep asking and put in the previous paragraph--HOW TO GET OUT. HOW TO GET OUT and in a positive way. HOW do I get out and get the story(ies) out.

I feel like I was meant to be working on this project instead of teaching, educating right now. I went through an unbelievable time from August of 2007 till May of this year, and I have to assume it was to re-awaken this dream of mine. I hope also that if I do not get a job in education, it is meant that I work on this project, and something is actually accomplished.
This is imperative to me, that I get "out" of this suffocating place that I'm in and am able to tell the world about my beautiful mother, who passed July 12, 1994, from colon cancer.
I see people every day who have both parents and even one parent and a family and kids and I wonder why I don't have any of that. What happened to my mother was hard on me when she was alive but it's been even worse since she died. It has cut through me like knife, has been laying on me like a ton of bricks, and I need help in clearing her name, through my book and movie.

And, must I say, I dread like "all get out," to go to this restaurant job, in about 48 minutes, now. It could be pompous for me to say I want some money out this project also, but my mother was denied retirement (early retirement, and she did pull out what she had accrued but still...she was denied so many things because of what happened), and I think it would be justice of some type if I could be compensated for everything that has happened or not happened. I am leaving out the fact that I have been denied work and compensation in the same field, education. It galls me that I have to think about working at McDonald's on top of working at this restaurant.

I dread going to this job and I dread working in something other than education. The only alternative I can accept is working on this project. I want and need--it's a human need--to have these things realized. I am enlisting your help and hope you can and will.
Please call. _____________ cell phone, ______________. If I'm not home, call my aunt, whose name is_________________.

Here is my blog address. I don't think anyone is reading. http://hopefullygoing-2-b-on-oprah-someday.blogspot.com/
Cindy Taylor