The Interview and Guiding Light

The position I had a meeting about today wasn't all that it was cracked up to be.

Didn't understand it. Fast talking guy. Couldn't understand it. I'm not going to do that.

I do have my training to start at McDonalds, this coming Monday.

The interview tomorrow may be something--

I've been watching Guiding Light. There's a movie about Reva's life being made. When my movie gets made, I want it to better than hers is---the woman that is playing her doesn't seem to know anything about Reva and it's all just strange. I don't want mine to be like that.

I want mine to be better. I want the people who are playing each person to know what it was like and be more than lines and a script. It has be more than a script. They have to know it's about the life of a woman, for a good part, most part, that lived with every bit of strength it took to do whatever she had to do--and that she lived for her daughter and put her daughter's life above her own and before her own--that she lived life with every bit of strength it took, during each part of it. I want whoever plays me to--this is harder because I've tried not to consider myself so much--to show my faith in my future, my faith, a sense of keeping going, too--and Josh, well, I have snapshots---Josh, show his skill and talent and ability to wear his heart on his sleeve.

I wish somehow the real "Josh" could show whoever plays him how it was done and how he acted but I will do my best to show that myself--if I have to on my own. It will be virtually impossible to have happen what I just wished.

Ok, I'm watching Guiding Light right now--Billie on Guiding Light getting upset with the guy playing him is halarious. Josh just said, "Billie, it's a movie!"

I have envisioned an Academy Award but that is a big vision. I know. I know. I'm dreaming big.

An Academy Award doesn't have to happen but it would be nice. A movie, though, just a movie, would be great. If I could get a movie, I would be happy.

I've been thinking about this a lot.

I never liked it that they broke up Reva and Josh on Guiding Light. I didn't name my "Josh" after Josh on Guiding Light. I probably should have named him something different, but I thought if his name wasn't what it really was, he would be a Josh. And, there actually was a Josh in the same building and capacity as him but they looked nothing alike, whatsoever. I thought I was ensuring a complete disguise for him by naming him Josh.

I have to be at the restaurant at 6. I'm going to go pick up my aunt, aunt "Maggie" in the book, and take her to get something to eat before I go and I will probably think about this project the whole time.

It "reaks" when you have to do something that you hate and you have no idea how you're going to get out of doing it and how you're ever going to reach beyond where you are. It "reaks." And if you can dream that something magnificent will take place, in its place, it gets you through.

Cindy