tribute

My tribute to my mother hasn't been as good as I'd like. I wanted to post what was written on a card but I don't need any more problems. Don't want to get into copywrite problems, but this card talked about everything that my mother was.

I should just do it anyway, post what it says, but I won't.

My life wasn't meant to be this way. I know it wasn't.

It looks like I've had a couple people view my profile, maybe unless it has all been me when I click "View."

"Cindy, pick up your clothes in the bathroom. You know I don't leave my clothes there. You don't see me doing that," my mother would say.

She would say a lot, "You don't see me doing that."

"What are they building over there?"

"Cindy, I'm going to take a bath," and she'd say that especially when we were visiting her parents, my aunt and cousin in Kentucky. "Cindy, I'm going to take a bath."

She had such a force about her. Such a force.

No, this isn't the tribute I wanted for her today.

I know what the Snow family is going through and has gone through.

A woman by the name of Hope Edelman wrote a book called Motherless Daughters, and I can't find the book, now. Someone gave it to me and I can't find it. Her mother died a day after or a day before my mother some years before my mother. I cried when I read the first line, which was about a month after my mom died.
You lose something incredible when you lose a mother.

And, I have to wash my Frisch's clothes.

I haven't been able to deal with what happened between August and May. I have a difficult time confronting it now. I feel ashamed, I feel embarrassed, I feel "knocked back 100 feet," I feel lost---I feel so many things when I think about what I heard and started to believe. I can't believe that entered my life---if you're just clicking on this post--I "heard" things between August of 2007 and May of this year. I heard things no one else could hear, and I...I can't quite talk about anymore of it. I haven't been able to approach much of it, but it feels like I lost some things---even though it never made sense.

And, I feel I have not given my mother a tribute.