I suppose this could be a book in itself.

I hope there is some positivity. Some people have said I'm not positive enough.

I hope people understand what I'm trying to get across. I hope people understand what I'm doing and trying to do---which is be heard and get a job and get my book and movie produced, about my mother.

If the only reason I'm going through this hell right now is to propell my project into light, it's worth it. It's worth it. Anything is worth getting my story out--the book, the movie--the story. It's worth it.

I've tried to "keep it all together" for some time. I've tried to act like nothing is wrong and nothing will be wrong and there is safety, somewhere in this. I've tried to be cool. Act cool. Calm. Collective. Like everyone else, but something happened, and I'm not so calm and cool anymore. I guess my bank balance and lack of substantial income has something to do with it.

I want this dream--of my story being told--of the book and movie being produced--to happen, to break the threshold of dream.

Cindy