Last night at the Restaurant

It was my last night at the restaurant. I thought about how I'm probably making an a_ _ of myself, "Talking all the time" about my situation. I thought I would be happy though. I am going to try to be happy.

There are some good kids there---one guy, you know he's not going to be working at Frisch's the rest of his life. A girl is still in high school and wants to be a neurosurgeon.

I am going to be working with the bathroom remodeling company from now on and picking up McDonald's for the mornings.

62 hours I must work to bring in what I was bringing in before. $1600 a month.

I'm just not the same person I was---I'm trying to think of anything I can do outside of education to reach my goal of $2,000 a month or more. I know how it's done---it just doesn't feel I can do it. I have no idea how to get my network marketing biz off the ground--people I've talked to want to say, "Oh, that's too expensive," and I know it is expensive. I was thinking some time ago about trying to get people that don't have to look at price tags to do it, but that didn't work out either. Insurance---I don't feel like sitting in the classes and taking the darn test again. (insurance--what I tried to do from 1998-2000) The only thing would be the network marketing biz which you don't have to have a license to do. You just do it.

That would get me out this. That would get me out of this hell.

If I could make a gazillion a month, I would help people. It is my goal to help people who are where I'm at right now. I'd pay off their mortgages. After getting my movie made, that's what I want to do. I want to make thousands upon thousands a month. And I'd especially help people who had pets. It's terrible to fear losing them. Terrible.

I'm tired of interviews. Tired of them. TIRED of trying to sit for 15-20 minutes and tell people about myself and in some way have to prove to them in those minutes that I'm good enough for them to hire, in any position. TIRED of it. Just tired. Tired of being on the firing line---given questions that, I hate to say it, mean less to me now than they did then. So many questions I've been asked have nothing to do with my Intervention Specialist work. Then, I was asked questions about things I haven't had experience with, at a recent interview. It's not my fault I don't know about "such and such." It's never been my fault I haven't known about the "such and such's" I've been asked about---where I was before, they didn't have "such and such."

Oh well--I have got to find a way to bring in as much as or more than $2,000 a month before November. I'll be 35 in November and my life has got to get somewhere.

Cindy