I wonder if he knew

I wonder if "he" knew--I wonder if "Josh" "he" knew how much I cared about him.

It wouldn't seem to have made a difference if he had.

If someone can write such poetry about a person, and hold it in for so long---not sure how to finish that sentence.

I cared and I loved. I CARED and I LOVED.

No matter what we were or weren't---I cared and I LOVED. I LOVED!!!!

Some say I didn't deserve him. I deserved better.

Why he couldn't be the person I wanted him to be and why he couldn't go on and make my life better---I Will Never Understand.

Never--

Someone has to come along and be better. Someone I'm actually attracted to---I've had someone that was probably better, attracted to me, but I wasn't totally attracted to him and I was a better person. I was a better person than "he" was to me. I explained my side and I truly explained.

If my project does comes to life, does come to life, I will probably need counseling, as I'm trying to get right now, throughout it. I believe that anything worth doing is always hard. It's worth doing even if it puts me through "something" and I will probably need counseling after it's done.

There's a company, a Mattress Factory in town, and the Mayor owns it. He always has meaningful quotes on his sign. This week or month, says, "No one ever loses until they quit," or something that. I'm trying to live by that. I haven't quit. I can't lose.

Cindy