I realize the more I write the harder it is for people to read.

I got a job at McDonalds, in addition to Frisch's. I may be getting a customer service type job through the Temp. Agency I went to today---I don't feel like I will ever have a career.

I went to Career Services at my University and the woman was nice. She's going to try to help, but I still do not know where or how I will get a career.

All I know is that someone has to call me and say they are interested in my story, my mother's story, our story--I need a bigger house but everything seems so impossible. Everything right now seems impossible.

It looks like I will be working with Americorp, which will be good and I will probably be tutoring after school. That would start in September.

Ellen, George Clooney, Tom Hanks, Matthew Perry---Steven Speilberg---whoever important will consider this---you have to let me know before September, I believe---if you will need me this year for the project. I'm committed for a year to this when I sign on to Americorp---

If you come to Ohio and this town that I live in and this area, it will be Ok. I probably won't be working till about 3 pm, and we could work from morning till then to get this going.

And Matthew Perry---if you want to take me out, you might have to do it here in Ohio, if I'm doing the Americorp thing---unless I have a quick weekend trip to LA and back.

My dog, Maggie is beautiful. She's big but she's a lap dog.

See, I know time is of the essence. No one is getting any younger. I don't know if Cameron Mathison would want to learn to sing if he doesn't already or play guitar.

There's a guy on Young and the Restless that plays guitar and sings, I believe. He has blond hair and blue eyes--he would fit the bill, but Cameron has a thing with his eyes, and the way he "did" Ryan when he was with "Jillian" reminded me so much of "Josh." Cameron knows how to look longingly and reminded me so much of "Josh" when this dream of mine started. It would be difficult for me to see anyone else in the place of "Josh" but I have to learn how to be flexible. I was also thinking about the guy from Life House, the band, the lead singer, if he acts or can act. We already know he can sing and I do believe, play guitar. Does anyone know if he can act?

Decisions, Decisions.

Just as my aunt has said she thinks my uncle is the only one that can "do" my uncle, I almost feel that way about "Josh." Only Josh could do Josh but then, Josh stopped being Josh toward the end. That is what has been a thorn in my side for years---he stopped being him and I never got over it. I never got through it. I never could fathom it. I took what he said for about 5 seconds and then something else came over me.

My aunt said these people I want get paid big money for their movies and someone else said that also---I said I wasn't paying them, and I don't know who would---she said I needed a producer, and I know that to be true. She kind of put down my George Clooney idea and Tom Hanks, etc saying they wouldn't want to do this.

Ellen would make my day, my world, my life if she said people were interested in this. And of course, if Matthew Perry is free and if I sound interesting, and would take me out, that would just be icing on top of the already sweet cake.

How I need to be like Cinderella for a day or night. Someone, call me.

Cindy