I could scream again and everything else

I'm sitting here at McDonald's. It's lunch. I have been "temping" this week. I may have already said that somewhere.

I could just scream, again. I could just scream. I could scream right here and now.

I'm going to send Ellen Degeneres a letter by postal mail and a picture of Maggie, one of my beautiful dogs.

I have to say this again, I could scream right here and now.

Why is it that the heart doesn't have a concept of time? I don't get it. It looks like the mind could talk to the heart my heart to catch up, but it doesn't. Certain times and things that have nothing to do with technology come back. Things that have nothing to do with technology come back.

I wonder why I can't get a job in a school. I wonder why, I have to live this way. I wonder why I have to be refused what I want. No one has ever asked me if I like kids in interviews, and I think people interviewing people for school jobs should be asking that question.

I do not know how I will live emotionally if I have to work somewhere other than a school. I could live in a physical way but it would not be easy, emotionally.

If anyone is reading this, I know you are probably getting tired of reading about how I can't get what I want.

Believe me, I'm getting tired of writing it.

If someone would say, you are going to work on the project (book, movie) this year instead of education, it would a "halleluiah" moment. It would be glory. It would be an answer to a prayer. It would be a positive answer to prayer.

I WANT to BE HEARD. I want this to be taken seriously. I WANT to BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY.

As I said, if someone would say, You're going to work on this, this year. You're going to make trips to LA and LA is going to make trips to you, I would be content. I would be elated.

I love my town in spite of all that happened. I want people to visit. I Love it and think it is Beautiful. Beautiful. I want people to see where I've lived my whole life and where my mother lived and worked/taught. I want people to see where she met my dad, where she was living when she met him, where they first talked, where I went to college, everything. I want people to see where I've lived and where these things took place.

No one is getting any younger, and I wanted this project to have been completed before now.

Cindy's movie, that's what I want people to be able to say. "Cindy's movie, Cindy's book."

That's what I want there to be. I hope Ellen can ask people, "Are you going to be in Cindy's movie?" Cindy's movie,

Cindy