Thinking about when she died

I'm thinking about when she died--my mom. And I'm thinking about what "josh" said and I wish someone would say something to him. I wish someone would admonish him for doing what he did. I'm thinking about what I went through with my mom and then him doing what he did.

I wish someone would admonish him for hurting me, someone like me.

After Linda came to the house, my mom drifted further into that state--she talked like she was talking to relatives who had died and one had not yet died--she looked like she saw something or people--she was in deep conversation. I paced the house like a security guard on a watch. I think she said something about bacon and eggs. (she hadn't been able to eat for over a month) She had an IV that sent liquid nutrients into her body. I had to pick the bags up from the hospital pharmacy every week or several days and I learned how to change the bags. I was 19. She kind of looked like she was talking on the phone. She was clearly talking to someone. She talked and talked and then she got quiet and I tried talking to her but I didn't think she really heard me. I called a couple people. I couldn't stay there and watch her die.

Some time later, not much later, my aunt went in--it was just the two of us--and she said, "Your mother died!" or something much like that. It's in my book. She tried to talk to my mom, like she was able to hear and I got my aunt out of the room. I saw what death looked like. I saw what is left after the spirit leaves the body. I saw that we are all just shells. We are all just shells--while we do our things, live, talk, play, just BE, there is something in us, and we are all so different, but there is a shell holding something no one can see but is yet there. My aunt was crying and I put my arms around her. I said, "I know." We called Hospice. I think they were on their way but there was a road construction and couldn't get there in time. I don't think they are or were required to be there when someone dies. I didn't like Hospice--probably most of all because they're about dying and "helping" people who are dying.

The IV machine kept beeping, I guess because my mother had died and the nutrition fluid wasn't going in, of course. I had to go in the room every 10 to 15 minutes and re-set the machine. I looked at her and I knew that we are all just shells, holding something that can not be seen but is very much there.

wish someone would talk to "josh" he may or should have a copy of the book bet it went into the trash. he would just say what he said which i'll say on Oprah.

Cindy