Waiting

The only reason I get up in the morning is/are my dogs. Janie, a Rat Terrier, starts barking and wanting outside, Babe, a Cairn Terrier, starts barking and wanting out or me to get up, and Maggie, a mix, usually lays with me till I decide to get up. She's "laid back."

I'm waiting on a place (education) to let me know if I'm hired, and another to interview me.

I'm waiting. If I could get a job in education, I'd have hope. I'd have hope. I'd have something. Life would be so much better.

I've made some mistakes in life. I sure have. I swore I would Never be where I am. I swore I would Never, Never, Never be here. I said I would be smarter than to end up here.

I was going to watch the 700 Club this morning but I slept until noon.

My aunt had an offer to go to a car dealership with a key they sent her. She might have won $10,000 or a car, but we were supposed to be there before 12:30. It is about 40 miles from my house. She said she'd pay for the gasoline. I hope she didn't miss out on $10,000 or a truck but i thought it sounded too good to be true.

There's a commercial for the Rick Springfield concert and I think every time I see it how I missed him the last time, and I will miss it again.

I don't think I will ever get married or have kids. I look at kids and people with kids, and I don't know how it's going to happen.

I look around at people that would seem in a different class of life than me and people that would seem in the same class and then a better class, and I wonder how they did it. Met, got married, etc. I wonder how people do it. I wonder how people meet people. I wonder, and at this point, I don't see it happening for me.

I had a good prayer with a great lady the other day. I've been forgetting to mention that. I had a great prayer and we prayed God would open doors.

It probably won't be easy to get this book in shape. It probably won't be easy, for me. I know I've left things out. Even though it seemed I was in the middle of a hypnosis session this past year, I may have to be hypnotised to get things into this book. I heard The Judds, "Grandpa" and "Why not Me?" and they were popular songs when I was in the 3rd grade. My mother would hold me in the yellow, reclining chair, in the mornings, with "Grandpa" or "Why not Me?" playing on the radio, as we would wait for the bus to come. She still held me while sitting in a chair when I was in the 3rd grade. At whatever time it was, to go outside, she'd say, sweetly, "Now it's time to go." In the movie, that has to included and I guess it should be in the book. Not sure where or how to fit it in.

Music has always been a part of my life.

It's imperative that this project happen. Right now, it, along with my dogs, and my aunt, is all that's keeping me going.

Waiting, waiting, waiting. And yet, I feel great guilt. I feel great guilt, like I shouldn't be complaining. I feel as if I brought this on myself and I have no reason to complain. I feel I should keep my mouth shut.

If I get a job, in education, I still need this project to happen.

"Waiting, in stillness, still." That is part of a poem I wrote but the poem has nothing to do with waiting for a job, but it applies here.

Cindy