Some things about "Josh"

Songs that he sang, which may be updated as time goes along--

He sang in my presence. I've felt that he was singing just for me, to show off for me or to get some songs out to me, but that's just what I've felt. There's been no confirmation of the reality of my feeling.

He and this guy and I were in the lab room ( a setting is a computer lab ), and the guy had a guitar, and Josh was supposed to be helping me with some work. He picked up the guitar and started playing and singing songs.

1. "Come to my Window." by Melissa Etheridge

2. "He'll Have to Go," by Jim Reeves

3. "Jennie, 867-5309" the Two-Tone guy

4. "Amie" Pure Prairie League, He said my name instead of Amie's once

5. "All for You," Sister Hazel

6. "If You Could Only See, the way she loves me, then maybe you'd understand..." Tonic

7. "Lightening Crashes," Live

8. "Give Me One Reason To Stay Here," Tracy Chapman

9. "Suspicious Minds," Elvis

10. "Sweet Caroline," Neil Diamond

11. "Take It Easy," I felt it was the Travis Tritt version, but by the Eagles. He would be marvalous at any Travis Tritt song.

12. "Mr. Jones and Me," The Watchamakalits

13. "Walking on Sunshine," Katrina and the Waves.

14. There were probably a few more. The setting is also a college. A professor came to the door and Josh said in a low deep voice, "I'm sorry," very solemn.

15. "Burning Love," Elvis


It stayed with me---every time I hear one or have heard one of them, I have been taken back. Back there. That room. In my mind, being saronaided. And I wanted it one more time. I wanted one more private concert. And I never got it. It was like being given a decadent dessert and having it taken away after a few bites. All of it was---from the beginning to end---a few bites of a wonderful, decadent desert, and then it being snatched out from under you.

I gave him a card that said, "THANKS" on the front, and it was an acronym of sorts. After the T, it said "thoughful you," after the H, it said, "helpful you" and I can't remember the rest of the words for each letter. I gave it to him for "helping" me with some work.

He listened. He listened like no one I've ever met before. He said my mom must have "fought hard," and "Uh, Cindy I don't know what I would have done either...." about a situation that was going on. He reached out for my arm, my hand one time, when I said I was nervous about something, and he said, "Tell me why you're nervous." And he looked me in the eyes, and I wasn't afraid to look him in the eyes. I could look him in the eyes. He seemed to be my champion. He said I was smart. One time he was studying for something, and I said he'd get it, that he was smart, and he said back, "You are too," and that was the 2nd time he'd say it. We both smiled proudly at each other. I guess I was flirting. He'd walk me to door when I'd leave, and we always met in a lab room or in the hall. He had such a way about himself. Such a strut. Such confidence. Such a warmth. You knew when he entered a room. How I loved him. He wore his heart on his sleeve. When a girl left him. he'd be in the hall and start singing, "You lost that Lovin' Feelin'" Oh, how I loved him.

And I never really told the world I loved him. I told family and they said he didn't think a thing of me, because we never went out and he never tried to kiss me. (He did try to hold my hand but no one believed me) But I'm telling the world, if I can---I loved him.

Cindy