not much new here

Not much new here.

There's something wrong with my car. And that isn't really new. There's been something wrong with it for a little while. I have to take it to a shop in a few minutes.

I was supposed to have a meeeting with a corporation and take a test for them to see if I could work there---I took a somewhat lengthy test last night. For the most part it was fun. It had a lot of vocabulary and analogies and some actually fun math. Some general knowledge questions. I was supposed to, then, take another test this morning but couldn't because of my car.

I was going to go to a school district and see if I could substitute, also.

I just wrote something negative and cleared it out. Mrs. E is wanting me to be positive. Positive. Positive.

Oh how difficult it is.

I was thinking about the "movie" I want made---I put the word in quotes because it seems like a long shot. There's some things that I don't quite know how to work around unless it's just kind of "smoothed over." My aunt's daughter, "Maggie's" daughter and I have had a rocky relationship all our lives and my mom's parents cared for her a major deal from childhood, on, and then she cared for them as they got older. I think our relationship would just have to be "smoothed over." I shouldn't much more about it.

In a way, I wonder, what's the point when things aren't going to be exactly as they have been in real life. It might be too much work. In the book, I think I say that Maggie and my cousin's father were divorced but that's not as it was---my aunt was never married to the father and my cousin, to this day, doesn't clearly know who her father is--my aunt won't talk about it. My cousin contacted the guy she thought was her father and he said he wasn't.

Not sure if the movie will work, but for my mom's sake, it needs to.

I'm going to be negative here--but I can't help it--I feel like scum on the bottom a trash can. I'm getting calls to pay bills and I can't. I don't even answer. I look at the number and don't even answer.

My aunt says she'll move in but she can't understand she Can't Get All Her Stuff in my house. She can't understand that she can't and she says she won't if she can't have all her stuff.

My uncle (her brother, my mom's brother, the guy Matthew Perry needs to play) has made stipulations on my aunt moving in---that I must get rid of a few cats I have. He also wanted me to get rid of all but one dog. Someone told him the part about the dogs was unrealistic.

How I'm going to get through this and ever make more than $7.00 an hour, I do not know. I do not know. I have tried to think and implore to myself and others, " I have a degree and was a teacher." How can I be destined to live in the same house (which is fine--fine--fine, even if I'm able to live here on the $7.00 for 60 hours a week), run from telephone calls, feel like I'm drowning and never meet a man that "gets" me? HOW could this be my fate? I'm looking around---I'm looking for opportunities. I am looking and it seems that people who get out of these situations always start some kind of business. It seems like it. I don't know how or what kind of business to start.

If someone by the initials PS is reading, keep in touch even though I've been OCD lately, and I have been. I've been so OCD. But, keep in touch---If win the lottery of sorts (and you know a lot about lotteries)--I'm taking you to the Oprah show. Send me your new email address and I promise to have faith that you're reading, here.

I have been thinking about the guy from LifeHouse. Love their music. I've wondered how old he is. I'm gonna look them up.

But I have to go and get this car fixed on borrowed money that I may not be able to pay back anytime soon.

Cindy