The "Outs" person

I don't know if this makes any sense, but I am so the "Outs" person. I am having such a hard time accepting this time in my life, and what everything is coming down to----I'm trying to get stuff out of my bedroom and my back bedroom so my aunt can move in, so I can keep up with things---I don't feel I belong anywhere.



I haven't talked about the new job yesterday, yet--I have a lot written down--but for the moment, I'll just say I don't feel I belong there. I don't feel like I belong, not at all.



I want to make money. I want more money than ever.


A school called me yesterday---a charter school---and it seems they want me to do something with technology and physical education, though I have no classes in those areas.



I have an interview with them today at 4:00. Not sure how or where I'll be able to get ready if people are in and out of my house. I need to meet with them, though. I really do as My aunt is supposed to be moving in today---Mrs. E found some people to help that happen, and I am so, so, so unprepared. So unprepared. I can't see this happening. I can't see it.



My house is So, So, So junked up right now. So junked up. If things were being moved out just for my own personal space, that would be fine. Fine, but moving someone else in and at the moment--I haven't moved my stuff that needs to be moved for her to move in. I feel like a total "nin-com-poop." Total. I took today off from the new job so I could be here for all the moving in and moving out. Things are so not ready.


Things are so not ready and as I try to take care of the garage (where the cats have had their home), I so dislike my cousin. I so dislike my cousin, for leaving them. I so dislike her. I have a good heart, and I've paid dearly for it. I think she said she had found a place for them but I'm not sure why she didn't tell her husband, whom she left also---Not sure if anyone read, but my cousin worked in a vets office and collected cats. I always wondered what would happen if she had to get rid of them---I didn't see myself taking them, but---she left her husband and the cats and a dog and I told her husband I'd take them till he recovered from her leaving. He said Ok--it was understood on my part that he'd take them back---well, 3 years later, and no. He denies it. He said he didn't agree to it. I didn't think I'd have to make him sign a contract at the time.

I would like to get rid of them--I had cats of my own--a few of them--they do make life troubling at times.

I have a good heart and I pay for it all the time.

Well, I must get things ready as much more as possible if I can.

I haven't written about the new job, but I have a lot to say about it. Namely, first---Why can't I do something where I don't have to watch videos beforehand? I didn't feel right there. And that's all I'll say at the moment.

Cindy