the experience today at McDs

For a few mintutes, during that time I was at McDs---I did want to puke, scream and then I did cry, but no one knew I was crying.

I was looking at that grill and I saw the scene of a recruiter from the college where my mom got her bachelor's degree going to see her.

I saw that scene, and it made me cry. I almost cried to the point where people would know I was crying but I didn't. My mother--how smart she was. How wonderful and smart and knew how to build things from the bottom up and here I am, wasted everything from the top down. Wasted---I wasted it, somehow. SOMEHOW I did and didn't know I was---

And I feel dumb---completely, absolutely dumb---I can't waitress and I can't make it on McDs and the bathroom remodeling company. I can't do it. But I don't know what I CAN do---I'm pretty good at words sometimes when I'm not thinking off the top of my head---I wish I could live off my words. How great it would be to have a big house and things in place because of what you say---how great that would be.

I know, there are a lot of people like me, out there and I wish I could do something to help them and myself. I wish there was some sort of organization I could have for people like us.

I got a little nasty with a friend's husband today. I called to talk to her and he said she was shopping--I said a bit in a nasty way, " That must be nice. I wish I could go shopping."

I hope I hear something from someone next week, and I hope it's good--I hope it is good.

Cindy