Jobs applied for

I have applied for about 50 jobs from Monster.com to Dayton, Oh sites. I do live in the Dayton, Ohio, area.

I am waiting to hear from two people next week about jobs I interviewed for---

This is unbearable. Absolutely unbearable. Sitting here, not having a shift with McDs tonight--doing nothing---is unbearable. It is all unbearable. I don't feel like I should be sitting here--I should be doing something, right now. Right now.

Applying, applying, applying.

To be a part of something--an organization and have intelligent input and do SOMETHING--worthwhile. I know some people that have been good with math and have had jobs. WHY?

Why do I find out at 34 that what I have tried to spend my life doing is worth nothing? Why doesn't matter---I just did.

I just did.

People say, "oh, it's never too late," but I have to say, at this moment, it feels like it is---I have never felt so useless and hopeless. Never. I never thought about anything like this. I always, always, always had hope and I don't know where it is now.

I am terrified, and if I do say so myself, and have said in this post, I'm talented. I am talented. And there is nothing out there that meets Me, my talent. I am so tired of reading criteria and saying, "That's not me. And that's not me. And I don't have that. And, I didn't do that." I'm so tired of not being what is out there.

I have a darn talent. I have darn talent. Talent. I communicate. I know how to COMMUNICATE. Communicate!!!!!

I have this blog!!!!

Now, whether or not anyone is reading, is debatable.

Oh God---don't let me continue to waste away. Don't let this nothingness be forever or even another week.

I beg of God, let this be over. Let someone, somewhere see and know my talent.

Cindy