MY UNCLE

I talked about writing like someone whose writing I just read, but actually, I think he had help with it. I think he got his wife or hired a secretary or speech writer to write it. It's my uncle.

I think I should give you some background. My uncle ( I have mixed feelings about anyone playing him now, but the guy Matthew Perry is going to play in the movie--complete positive and wishful thinking--) has been paying my aunt's bills (Maggie in the book, his sister, my mom's "little" sister) since 2004. She had a stroke which I think I mentioned. Won't go into it. Anyway, she has been feeling unduley controlled by him for a very long time. He sends her money each week which comes from her Teachers Retirement account. He has been SO very obsessed with making sure that she has a savings fund or "rainy day" fund. He has begrudged her having her apartment cleaned and Especially carpet cleaned at the apartment. She had pets in the recent past ( I hope I mentioned, he HATES, loathes dogs and cats ) and he totally begrudged them.

Well, my aunt went to an attorney and had her money switched over to her own checking account, where it would be direct deposited. She didn't tell anyone except the woman who cleans for her ( and myself sometimes ) and is a very good hearted person. She's helped "Maggie" a lot. She told me about it and she knew "George" would be blowing a gasket. Well, he found out about it a couple days ago, and he blew a gasket. I told him I didn't know about it. I have been playing lightly with the idea of asking him for money to pay my phone bill ( $374, because I haven't paid it in a while ) or for the deductable for my insurance if it will pay for the blown siding and tree that fell. ( Uh, if the insurance will even cover it )

He didn't indicate that he was going to press her switch things over to him again. Not at all to me, but he would call and talk to her, and she said he was telling her to have it switched back over to him.

Somewhere along the line, he got it in his head that I was trying to keep her from talking to him. Today, I talked to him at around 11:30 am. I have had a terrible sinus infection and aching head and jaw and sore throat. I told him I was sick. He asked how and I told him. He asked me if my power was back on, and I said, "no." He showed a 1/16 of compassion and said, "Oh my goodness." He asked about talking to Cleta. He had called my cell phone, and I told him to call the house phone and Cleta would answer. That happened. I slept some more. I got up around 2 pm. My aunt and I went to the Waffle House about 4 pm. Well, my uncle called while we were at Waffle House. He showed again a 1/32nd of compassion ( I had to ask my aunt what was less than 1/16---I've recently come to have a greater understanding of fractions, 1/32 is less than 1/16, and 1/16 is less 1/8, and 1/8 is less than a 1/4 ) He asked me how I was feeling with 1/32nd of compassion. It really didn't sound sincere but I might consider thanking him for asking. He and I didn't have a great reception on the cell phones. He asked me where I stood on what my aunt did, about changing her deposit into her own account and taking care of her own stuff. Where did I stand, whose side was I on? I said I had been thinking about it. He asked, "How long, 24 hours?" I said no or something. I said I thought that since she was living with me now, that it would be easier for her to just give me the check for rent (since there are not a lot of things involved) and he said, and I will say it in a separate paragraph, very, very, very hateful to the max,

"Are you competent to do that or are you going to screw her up like you screwed up yourself?"

I couldn't believe it is not the way to describe it.

I had known that if I had proposed the idea he would bring it up.

He and I had a moment where if we had weapons in our hands we would have killed each other.

I said, "Oh, don't go there," and he did this thing where it seems he's throwing words together in a split second, and I hung up.

I'm not sure where I was when I listened to some messages but he left some messages sometime before he called me while we were sitting at the Waffle House. I think my aunt and I were at McDonalds. I went there to use the Internet. He must have called the house while WE WERE AT THE WAFFLE HOUSE OR ON OUR WAY TO THE WAFFLE HOUSE. He said, and I am not sure how I can repeat them word for word. I really can not go back into them at the moment, though I know it would be beneficial to continue in explaining the tone.

1st message---he said something about if I didn't let him talk to my aunt he would get the police involved and make up charges on me.

2nd message--Something to with me acting like a child.

I was confused and listened to the messages again. I was again, confused and felt like I had been hit with a silver bullit. No idea where he was coming from. She had talked to him in the morning. In NO WAY was I trying to keep her from talking to him! ( and I'm not mad at you with bold capital letters ).

I called him and said that he was no longer my uncle, that I was disowning him, that he was deceitful and had no compassion in his heart for anyone and that he was going to be going to hell.

And I hung up.

He called and left another message and said I have childish traits and it's not the way to start over in life, or something like that. He said something about me reading a script.

I realize I never had an uncle to begin with---You truly can't lose something you never had, and I will leave it to each and every person to determine if that had something. ( People used to tell me that I never had "Josh" and therefore couldn't lose him ) not sure if that makes any sense. I swore I lost "Josh" and I had him. It's coming out different than I had thought before. Point is, I do not have a loss---he never was an uncle. My dad's brothers were uncles. They loved me. I knew they loved me. Even uncles that I may have not seen every day, I knew they loved me. I didn't see my Uncle (and I'll use his real name) Bob all the time, but I knew he loved me. My Uncle Donnie would take me to the store with him and when he got his pack of cigarettes, he'd say, "What do you want Cindy?" I remember one time I got fruit roll ups and one time I got my dog a collar. One time when I was little, I was sick and lying on the couch and my Uncle Bill came in and felt my forehead. He said, "She's warm."

Why, why, why could he have not been that way?

When my mother was given the death sentence, he and his wife were trying to coerce my mother to move to Georgia with them. I would have had to have given up my dog, everything I knew, and I knew I was going to lose my mom. I couldn't stand to lose my dog---she was like a sister. I was crying while I was on the phone with him, and he said, "Cindy, I can't understand you with you crying."

I actually forgot that he said that until today.

I respected him my WHOLE life. I thought he was the coolest. I thought he was handsome. I had nothing but respect for him and wanted my whole life for him to respect me, because I respected him so much. He almost had "celebrity status" in my mind. And I realized today, that it's not worth my time to worry anymore about whether or not he respects me.