as much as I can

I'm going to talk as much as I can about that thing that is disappointing.

There is someone I lost, a long time ago---and I've talked about him. And something came up this past week or so that made him seem close though there is no logical way it could have been, and if I'm sounding weird, forgive me.

There is no possible way to get back who I had or lost. No possible way and I guess I went on a trip, a little mini-vacation, and I've come back.

It all made sense for awhile. It all made sense. But now I see it makes no sense. And we have to live in sense.

It seemed crystal clear at times. It really, really did but doesn't today, anymore. If it could just be---if someone I had loved with all my heart could just love me back---if it could just be. Want, need that family I lost in a way. Want, need that companionship that I am owed by life--not sure why I "lost" him the way I did---

I'm just in want and I'm just in need.

Did I ever get over him? It doesn't seem like it, and especially at the moment. I'm crying like it was yesterday. I'm crying like a baby, except quietly. How nice it was to believe what I was believing for what amounts to a moment in time. I don't know how people get over things. I just don't.

And, I just shared about as much as I can.

Cindy