I just don’t know how people get through life. I don’t know how they get jobs, keep them, find a person to marry, etc. I just don’t know. I know I went to school and met someone extraordinary but not sure what happened with that.

Things are bad. Things are so bad. I have like $700 left on a credit card, and I do not know where my next dollar is coming from. I hate like sin ( my mom always used to say that) to have been living off a credit card. Hate like sin. If the Calvary doesn’t come this week, I’m going to substitute ( fill in for teachers ). If I see no sign of it tomorrow, I’m going to go get a tuberculosis test (you have to get a TB test to work in a school) and the background check. Going to, tomorrow, if I see no sign of the Calvary tomorrow. Haven’t heard from the woman at the advertising place nor the charter school. I was going to send the woman at the advertising place an email last week. I was waiting to hear from the school first but never did. I think it’s a little too tacky late to the woman from the advertising place an email now. I think I screwed that up, but then again, I think they were a little unfair to put me on probation because my aunt was moving in and I didn’t feel well the next day. Guess I just don’t have the toughness they desire.

I am going to ask the charter school for a copy of my letters of recommendation. I gave them the last good set of copies I had.

Nope, don’t know what I’m going to do or what kind of piddling job I can find to supplement the substituting.

I know my life wasn’t supposed to be like this.

I know.

If I ever get that movie made/when I get that movie made, this song sung by Robert Downey Jr, ( whom I LOVE and if I haven’t talked about him yet, I must apologize to him or let it be known I’ve been an idiot for not mentioning him) and Vonda Shephard. It’s on the Alley McBeal soundtrack. It's called “Chances Are,” and I love it. I could and have listened to it over and over. Robert and Vonda speak to me. The song is just like “Josh” and me, and there’s going to be a scene where I, “Leslie,” am driving past his house. The song is going to play in that scene, or maybe I’ll have it playing in the CD player. Robert Downey Jr. is just the best. He is so talented, up there with Jamie Fox and Wayne Brady (whom I adore also). Multi-talented. Loved it when RDJ was on the Wayne Brady show and he and Wayne jammed. Loved it. Awesome people. If I could wave a magic wand and marry “Josh” someday, I’d have Robert and Vonda perform that song at the wedding.

I would invite, also, Ellen, of course, and I’d have Oprah officiate the wedding. She can go online and get certified to do that, I think. I’d have Lionel Richie there and a big name among big names, Jimmy Buffet. (I've been listening to "Dancing on the Ceiling" again) A dear friend and her husband are great Parrotheads. They educated me on all of his songs. I had only really known “Margaritaville,” and “Come Monday,” before I met my dear friend. “Margaritaville” is going to be in the movie, too. It has a special place in our lives. Whenever I’d meet "Josh" in the place I’d meet him, that song would play.

The Calvary. I hope it comes. I pray it comes.