at 8:45 pm

Well, as I start to write this, it's 8:45 pm. I thought about all the things I could have been, at dinner, having withdrawn $20 today. Nursing, secretary, even truck driver, and I became a teacher (special education teacher/Intervention Specialist), and can not use what I learned. I'm sitting here, unemployed and lost in the desert, totally out of the game.

Oh, this can't be my life. If I could write my life story, from here on, "Josh" would find me tomorrow, marry me and whisk me away. Then, we'd have a big wedding and Robert Downey Jr, and Vonda Shephard would sing, "Chances Are," at the wedding. Many people would come, and my family would be proud. That's how I'd write the rest of it.

Love that song. It's just like me and "Josh" except it wasn't at night when we met and Josh wasn't smiling but everything else is true. Everything else is true.

I am so so very broke. I do not know how to make it out of it. I am very smart--not smart enough to have kept this time away--but I am still very smart.

I need to do something with this writing thing--something where I'm sharing myself and my feelings.

But, again, how and where? I look at people and I think about how everyone I see is doing something with themselves. They are taking part in a skill of some sort. They have it going on, and I'm drowning in quicksand.

Oh God---there has to be a way out.

Cindy



Cindy