So, I got another job.  Not one to replace Dominos but in addition.  I am taking call surveys.  Taking calls for responder surveys.  It's in a town called Milford.  My cousin's ex/current/ex, I don't know boyfriend is going to work there too.  It's about a 40-minute drive.  

That should help with the bills but the gasoline cost.  I'm a little worried about the gasoline cost.

I had an opportunity to long-term sub for an Intervention Specialist (special education teacher) and I shadowed her, but I didn't feel comfortable in the role.  I also was offered the other job.

I worked at Fairfield High School last year, and I feel that was my last "Harah" in the Special Education arena.

I forgot I had to shadow the teacher yesterday, and thank goodness my alarm went off.  I worked late and went to sleep late, so I slept A LOT last night.  Went to sleep around 7 pm and slept till 11 am, when Joe got me up.  Joe's my dog, in case you don't know.

Looks like a lot of my sentences start with "I."

Looks like I lost an additional friend.  I emailed her about our lapse in communication and said I was sorry for whatever caused the lapse, or so, and I never heard from her.  I ran into her once A LONG TIME AGO and I couldn't go into all the stuff I had been through up to that point, but I have a feeling it was over the schizophrenia (whatever!) stuff.  I had told her about the hearing things, when it initially started, and she said it sounded like schizophrenia.  Something, I don't know what, happened after that.  I tried talking to her on the phone in 2009, and she sounded really despondent, if that's the word.  

She was the only person who commented on my initial blogs.

I"m just tired.  I want a new house or I want this house fixed up to where I feel it's a home.

I need like 3 storage units.  I don't get rid of stuff cause I know that one day I will get out of this situation and there will be a place for some stuff.

I think I said "stuff" 5 times already but oh, well.

Oh, General Hospital.

The lives the "people" lead.

Jason wasn't really Jason when "he" came back.  Sam had a baby by another man, thinking he was Jason.  I was hoping Steve Burton would come back as the current Jason, as they weren't showing his face for awhile.  Interesting twist, it would have been, although I like the guy playing the current Jason, known Jason.

As I said before, I watch the shows on HGTV, and I wonder how I will ever get to be able to have a new house, and I wonder how the people buying houses/and fixing up those houses, can have the ability to do so.  I wonder.  I wonder.  I wonder.  Why, when I started at AFLAC in 1998, didn't everyone I talked to on the phone, to set up appointments, say, "Hey, come on in. I'd love to meet with you next week."    Oh my God, Why?    Why, then, if I met with them, would they have not said, "Oh, yes.  I'd love to offer those benefits to the employees.  Let's do it next week."

Oh my God.

God.

My life has been a wreck.  I complete wreck.  A train wreck (why do we compare disasters to train wrecks?).

I don't get it.  I just don't get it.  I'm 43 now.   If a movie is made about my mom, I don't want it to be about me meeting a guy.  I don't want that included.  I don't want the rest of my life included.  I want it to be left when I was 19 and going to college in the early days, and that is all.  That's all.

Dreams about my mom---I dream about my mom.  Mostly, now, I dream that we are having money problems.  Sad.  Really sad. Horrible that I have to dream about that.  Used to dream she was insanely angry at me but thank goodnesss, I haven't had any of those dreams lately.  In good dreams I've had, we go out to eat, we do things that would be normal that we would do or had done.

I'm sick and I'm tired.  Probably said that a lot but I have to keep going.