The Cat's Meow, the Cat and...

I was wrong about my cat, Lucky's meow. It's actually like, "uh mre-ah" or "uh-m-reh" and he raises his upper lip and kind of puckers it when he does that.

He's extremely special and he's still here. Skin and bones still, but still eating. Burnt orange and white colored. Used to be fat, but now skinny. Very skinny, and if I ever get out of this hell, I'm going to try to do something to where vets will treat those with parents that have gone broke or maybe started out broke---it's just not fair and not right.

More to say on that topic but not enough time.

I leave myriads of things out here---

But got to go, wash clothes and be ready for tomorrow. Got about 7 appointments this week for the insurance thing.

For Whoever is reading this, or to me and myself----

---C

WAITING FOR CLOTHES TO DRY

Well, I'm waiting for clothes to dry. I wash the clothes I'm going to wear and that's about it.

Did I say someone was going to help me clean the house? What did I say about that? Did I say I felt like a hoarder? She's really nice but everything went wrong when I had to go back and get my stuff out of storage---Did I say anything about that? (Me, dropping my aunt off at the town Senior Center for lunch and she didn't come back, after the woman that runs the place started acting very strange, I had to go and get my stuff out of storage.) Everything was fine until I had to go get my stuff back (and everything was really fine until I had to move my aunt in with me to help make ends meet). Everything was FINE. F. I. N. E.----FINE. I had an empty room, and I had things in a good place, but everything went to hell. Everything went to hell. (oh, my aunt was paying for the storage places---if I just hadn't had to do that, go back and get everything)

The plan is to get everything in what was the empty room, as much as possible.

The people that helped me get the stuff out of storage are really nice. Really nice, and I'm glad they helped me get the stuff out, but they left it on my patio, and I think they may have wanted to get it all situated for me, but I didn't ask and they didn't offer. And, I brought some stuff in the house to try to get it in and after I did that, it got the place looking like crap and it has progressively gotten crappy and more crappy and more crappy.

And I am so tired. So, So, So tired, I can hardly stand it but I have to---my hair is falling out (I have enough hair to make a small ugly sweater), I have dead skin and I can't keep my eyes open for a long period of time, a normal period of time. Terrible, terrible, terrible thing. I think I talked about the tiredness. I don't know what is wrong with me---I think it's thyroid although every doctor since 2004 has said it's not. I was on thyroid medicine b/c a doctor said I was hypo, and things were pretty good, a lot better. I was taken off the medicine b/c the new doctor said I didn't need it, and everything started going slowly down hill.

The doctor that gave me the med. went out of business and when I went to the new doctor, I said I thought I needed a boost in dosage and she said, then, after bloodwork, that it was fine, and I really didn't need to be on the medicine. The thyroid regulates periods, doing something to tell the cycle to begin, and when I went off it, that started getting off---and I have suffered from fatigue since I was in my teens, and I've had problems with the period being normal since then---

oh well---not to confuse with me saying I'M WELL--no, I'm not

And I have another problem to two that's tearing me up---

Well, I think the clothes are dry.

Well---I have a sick cat and he is very, very special. Very, very special cat. I know when he looks at me, he thinks, "I love you. I love you. Oh, I love you." He tries to talk and knows when you are talking. You say something, and he looks at you and does this meow that's not a meow. He raises his lips, opens his mouth and a "mer-wow" comes out but in a quick burst.

There's not a vet's office I've talked to that has said, "Bring him on in." No--they all have a price on them. Each one office I've talked to, and that's about 10, the stupid receptionist says, "Well, it's $$$ for the office call and then..." This is life and death, suffering and peace---not an option. Lucky has lost about 80% of his weight and he used to be a fat cat. And he throws up. Before he throws up, he makes this sound---it's an awful, awful sound. God ! (if there is one)

I have about $50 at the moment and will probably get about $100 or less on Monday. I've sold about $646 worth of insurance with the help of someone but that money hasn't come in and I don't know for sure when it will. It takes awhile with this company for it to be processed and unerwrited and approved. A long while.

I'm afraid I'm going to get thrown out of my house. That just hit me today. Someone from one of the companies I was hoping permanantly forgot about me called today. I shouldn't have that problem--oh God (if there is one) I shouldn't have that problem. Oh, where did I lose myself? Where did I lose that self preservation instinct? How did I think, "Oh, Ok..." My mother stipulated I didn't get the house till I graduated from college. Seems like she should have said not until I was 40.

This life sucks. Sucks.

I'm tired all the time. All the time. I can only keep my head up about 4 hours. Can't get to a doctor.

Someone may help me clean my house but she kind of treated me like a hoarder and I'm not a hoarder.

And I hear these people talking to me, and I don't know who they are or where they are but they talk to me---Sometime it sounds like I'm being protected from things by what some of them say and then there's the Insane, Lunatic, Bad name something that threatens things and re-tells supposed happenings and conversations. I don't know where anyone is.

My car needs new tires and an oil change.

I'm so tired of this life.

So tired.