what's going on with me now

Hum---just in case anyone would be reading this---basically a diary---let's see, last time I did this was, I think, in 2008.

Crap, crap, crap of stuff going on since.

My aunt moved in, I got a job at Wal "something, an M after the l," couldn't work there, started substitute teaching, got denied an interview for a full time job, got my insurance license, still to this day, as of today, haven't been able to find a good company to work with, and am about to pull my Teachers Retirement money because I am so broke, I can't pay attention.

Lots of crap involving my aunt moving in, and she was helping me pay bills and a mortgage I shouldn't have, and I dropped her off at the Senior Citizens Center for lunch one day and the pesky, stupid, mean, nosey, manipulative, nasty, coniving Senior Center director took her to an Assisted Living place and lied a bunch---and supposedly my aunt died in December.

The mortgage to Chase hasn't been paid since July and I am still in my house.

Still looking for the right insurance company and may be going with one this week or next.

Good way to make a lot of money at one time.

And I have fatigue problem. My hair is falling out, I am tired ALL the TIME, could sleep 24 hours a day, and I can't get to a doctor to try to get disability for this Tired Problem. I think it is an underactive thyroid, but the doctors I went to ( about 3 of them) all said I didn't have a thyroid problem. I believe I do though because a doctor put me on Synthroid one time and I kept a normal weight (Oh, I hover at 205 all the time), and I had a normal period. Maybe too much info, but I only have about one period a year, if that---and when I was on the Synthroid, I had a period every month. EVERY MONTH. Well, no one in the medical field thinks I have a thyorid problem, and I BELIEVE this would count as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, and I think I could get disability for it (through and only through the Teacher's Retirement System, not through Social Security because I have only really paid into the Teacher's Retirement, which means I'm screwed one day if I don't get something going here b/c I don't have a lot in Social Security and I'm about to pull out what I have in Teacher's Retirement).

I can't go to a doctor because my doctor fired me as a patient. Said I wasn't being cooperative as a patient. Long story but I hated, pretty much, all the time I spent there as a patient, and I need a $175 to go to, I think, a really good doctor. And I am trying not to spend out that much at one time, because I have about $1300 to my immediate name.

I also have another problem I never said anything about---thought I wouldn't say anything about it, but oh well, what the heck now---Back when I started this, "blog," I had come out of a thing that I wasn't sure what it was.

Terribly long story--terribly long and terrible story. What the best way to tell about it? I started hearing someone talk to me that wasn't in the room, after hearing someone through my telephone while I was talking to people and messages being left on my answering machine. Didn't know who exactly was leaving the messages but I thought it was a guy I think I talked about on this thing before---and I was told, through what emerged as a voice from nowhere or everywhere, that it WAS the guy and he had been in the CIA and had been in my house and put things in my house where I could hear him and he could hear me. Started in 2007. And, yet, today, something of it remains. I went to the hospital in the spring of 2008, shortly before I started this thing, because it was becoming too perplexing. Was supposed to sometime see the guy and then, something I can't quite go into, was preventing us from seeing each other, and I got really perplexed and frustrated and went to the hospital. Was told I had a "delusional disorder," which I really interpreted as schizophrenia.

What I began hearing became really scary, frightening, s***, and I went to a free county clinic I was supposed to go to. Got on some medicine, and called a guy that was a demonologist--he did a ritual on me and my house and the voice(s) went away. Until, August of 2008. The demonologist thought it was demons making me hear voices and had mimicked the voice of the guy I talked about--But I heard something in August that made me do something again, that you may not understand, but after I did that---all hell broke loose again, and I am still hearing people or someone talk to me, but isn't in the room and not on the phone.

I believe, now, though, that I understand what was and is happening. There's a thing that certain and only certain people know about, and it involves use of a satellite and something called V2K (Voice to Skull Technology). And if someone has been in a certain occupution and capacity, they will know how to use these things to torture someone and make them think, and others think, that they are schizophrenic. I have been told, in this way and have come to believe, that someone my mom had as a student, became a CIA agent, and found out about this stuff, and started doing this to me.

Life is hell. I have this problem and I am so broke, and I have like, no family now and about 3 friends. That is my life, and my house is disgusting. Absolutly disgusting. I am so tired I can't clean it and my aunt moving in and out caused my house to be altered. I took stuff to a storage place and had to bring it back but couldn't get it all back in my house. I brought in what I could, dumped it in a bedroom and my living room, and things are not at all as they should be.

Not at all.

So, everything is crappy. It could be worse but I am trying to keep it from getting that way.

I hope that I will have enough money when I get my Teacher's Retirement out, in 30 days, to maybe get a good trailer, so I don't have to worry anymore about anything hanging over my head, if I get threatened with being kicked out of my house (I shouldn't have a mortgage).

I hope I can sell some insurance. That's all I have wanted to do since 2009, when I got my license.

I work at Chinese restaurant and make about $7 an hour about 3 hours a day.

I get about $130 a week right now.

And I have to be there in an hour and a half. I could take a nap, but I really can't.

The guy that was my mom's student, I think, talked all night. He is a lunatic. I hear crazy, stupid, insane, aseful stuff from this guy, that I can't see. It's like a heavy whisper, and oh--I can't get disability for schizophrenia, because the doctors at the free clinic don't want to write anything on a piece of paper, and they want to Give Me Medicine, and a 500 count questionaire, and They Are Against People Getting Disability for whatever may mentally ill them. It's against their philosophy to help people get Disability. Now, if I was eligible for Social Security Disability, They Would Send Records, but That's All. I wish i could say what the name of the place is, but even though, I think I'm the only person reading this, I do'nt want to take a meager chance that I would get slapped with a slander suit or something. I HATE THE PLACE and the People There.

So, anyway---I have the sympotoms of schizophrenia but can't get disability for it.

Well, I'm tired and I think I will close this here today.